"Love (understood as the desire of good for another) is in fact so unnatural a phenomenon that it can scarcely repeat itself, the soul being unable to become virgin again and not having energy enough to cast itself out again into the ocean of another’s soul."
It feels like forever until I can legally leave this house.. but I know it won’t be all that long. I know I’ll catch hell from my parents when I do try to leave. I’m currently grounded, for an uncertain amount of time.. I have no cell phone, no laptop, no life. My parents don’t trust me anymore because I told too many lies. I cried wolf too many times, and now while the wolf is chewing on my leg, no one believes that it hurts. I know that I’ve made mistakes, I know I don’t always do the right thing. But I don’t think that makes me a fuck up. I think that we all have to make mistakes in order to learn from them. I just wish it didn’t always end up to where the only person you trust is yourself, and even then you have doubts. I’m a hypocrite, I lie, but hate liars. I tell my friends not to cut, but then I’ll end up doing it to myself. I let everyone down. I don’t know what’s happened to me along this road. Somewhere, I stopped caring completely about my family, and only being concerned with my self, and how something they do can benefit me. It’s wrong, I know it is. But I feel like I can’t change it, because everything they do just pushes me closer to the edge of my sanity. I can’t respect them when they don’t respect me. My friends, and my boyfriend…those are the people I care for. I would do anything for any of them. I don’t want to be where I am, and I don’t know how to turn around or walk forward anymore. I’m lost and confused, I’m alone inside my mind, except for the words that keep me awake at night.